Tea Talks | What Your Tea Tells About You

So we’ve rounded up what your tea choice says about you, based on totally trustworthy and very extensive sociological research.*

Black

You don’t play by the rules. You like people that are smart, witty and direct – you don’t have time for anyone that doesn’t just speak their mind. You’re always waiting for that next high, that adrenaline rush. You like anything that packs a punch and that other people probably don’t partake in – absinthe, fennel, mustard, fish sauce. Actually, you sound pretty gross. Maybe you should try some milk in your tea. (Unless you just don’t do dairy, in which case you’re probably drinking a green juice alongside your bulgur wheat and bee pollen salad).

Milk, one sugar

You’re probably a dad. And if you’re not (this is more likely, seeing as you’re on glamour.com), chances are you’re old before your time. Your ideal evening is a night in with EastEnders, a nice cuppa (obv), a chapter of a Jane Austen book and lights out by 10pm. You’re not boring, but you could do with a bit more adventure in your life. Try going on a date with black tea.

Milk, two sugars

You push everything in your life to the very limit, but sometimes you find it hard to figure out what you really want. Perhaps you should take up mindfulness. Or just have a damn biscuit.

Builder’s

You’re intelligent, likeable and cool-headed. You don’t take yourself too seriously (except your tea) and you like laid-back people. Highly-strung people can do one. You’re probably a bit of a prick about other people making you a cuppa – ‘they’ll probably just mess it up’, you think, but you don’t want to cause a scene, so you take on tea-making duty forthwith. You’re probably not actually a builder.

Super milky

You’ve probably had the question ‘aren’t you just drinking hot milk?’ a million times, but you don’t care. You just know what you like, and you’re confident enough to proudly declare that choice in an office full of strong-tea lovers. Some of them have probably turned their nose up at you. You’ve probably been spat at, insults thrown and fists flying. But you and your kick-ass calcium levels could care less. You’re poised, independent and self-assured. And those nay-sayers can go f*ck themselves.

Weak

You’re not the same as super milky – you like a lot of milk, but you also only like it brewed for, like, 20 seconds. Who even are you? Your personality has baffled behavioural psychologists for decades. You’re probably some kind of human anomaly, like Einstein or Tom from MySpace.