my girlfriend has no ambition

Everytime we are going out we isn't putting effort in. It isn't that your girlfriend has no passion, no ambitions, or no interests. My girlfriend doesn't have a stable career' Dear Quentin, . That was the hardest lesson. They need activities that are more stimulating, exciting, rewarding, novel or varying (video games are designed to meet these criteria). She's told me that she's just decided to give up on trying to lose weight, and she's just seemingly stopped caring about our sex life. Let her know that you are uncomfortable with her being in that state. California. Please don't give up. Anchorage, Alaska. Some of the details are a composite of several patients of mine who have had similar issues. How are your respective relationships with your parents? She was at university and some pretty heavy family issues came up on her half, and she ended up taking some time off, and notified the university. Perhaps its time for you to seek out new friends, says Mariella Frostrup your old ones may be relieved. And she keeps bringing it up in conversation, pointing out my (very limited - I make about enough to live by myself) success, compared to the fact that she works at McDonalds. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. It may be helpful to think of ADD as one end of a normal continuum rather than a true disorder in a category distinct from normality (also, ADD and ADHD are not two separate things, just different ways in which a lack of focus expresses itself in different people, depending on other characteristics some are quiet daydreamers, others are more restless, hyperactive and impulsive). Not that age really matters, but it's a lot more terrible for a 27 year old woman to have no career and no aspirations than it is for a 19 year old girl to have no career and no aspirations. Unspecified location, Break up now! I have followed Andrew for several years now. Click to reveal You give me little detail of where you met, how you got acquainted, whether you were always the ambitious, upwardly mobile intellectual or whether this is a persona youve adopted as you scaled the precipitous slopes of social status via birth, work, job, marriage, or simply force of desire. If you choose her, keep in mind it was your choice to stay, don't get mad at her for not feeling the way you wish she felt. 1) You lack motivation According to Psychology Today, motivation is "the desire to act in service of a goal. If she's not depressed, she just doesn't like doing the same things that you do. My life is all about kick the ball and drag my husband. It is frustrating and lonely. Right, Purposewithoutgod.com: website for the book, articles, videos, podcasts. For instance, she found a job opening in a field she wants to explore, and as she was about to send out her resume she gave up because the ad had been taken down. He's a dreamer, not a doer. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. So she blamed me for not being ambitious. 2. Is it her? Ontological confrontation, facing the inevitability of death, can help build meaning and well-being in life. Here, 10 signs and symptoms of being too ambitious: Advertisement. He never seemed motivated about school. No, your behavior toward her is not justified and I think rather than an apology, which you say you do all the time to the point of it being meaningless, you should think about improving your approach. If these fights only happen occasionally, what triggers them? Oh, a random idea: if the money she makes is inconsequential to your living style, why doesn't she start putting it all in a savings account, as a test? Why does seem clear is that neither of you is willing to change, and it's wrecking your relationship. Year after year, there was always some excuse as to why he couldn't or shouldn't better himself. You should pretty much not be allowed to refer to the change - this is something for her to figure out). Does this show a lack of ambition? If it weren't for the children and a lack of skills that would support us, I wouldn't stay. Thats when I realized that you can want the best for someone and can want so bad for a person to change but they have to want it for themselves first. I just wish she had some type of motivation to be successful. Many autobiographies tell stories of successful people who endured great struggles. We have two children. Our modern environment is artificially skewed in favor of people who are focused, so these otherwise normal traits can be a liability in many settings. Archived post. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Fortunately, he had an excellent response to the drug and no side effects. He is not a bad person, but he was clearly not the right person for me. She used to be extermely affectionate towards me, and it felt great. I have a lot of goals in life and I consider myself to be very ambitious. If she gets along with hers, she may be better off spending this transitional time with them rather than with you. The Common Good and the Paradoxes of Right vs. At least she has one! We also have a baby daughter and I am afraid of the message he will be sending her when she sees that her father has given up on his dreams and ambition and just lets life pass by. My girlfriend is 20 and she has no ambition. Reddit, Inc. 2023. But before I move too freely into the mockery your sentiments inspire, let me say that, despite appearances, I do have some sympathy. We actually had a fight about it not long ago, and ever since then, she keeps telling me how she's going to do all of this stuff (Go to school, apply for better jobs, lose weight, etc), but for all intents and purposes, has given up on herself. However, she has no ambition or drive in life. Ralph Lewis, M.D., is an associate professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Toronto, a psychiatrist at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre, and a consultant at the Odette Cancer Centre in Toronto. I offered her a few suggestions centered on some of her passions which are cats and going to raves. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. 3 I can't help thinking your joint "aha moment" about dropping out of college was a huge, life altering mistake. If your spouse lacks drive for personal success, is your relationship doomed? I feel like if I was single I would be sitting on a nice size savings account by now. For more information, please see our If you've been dating him for a long time and you've realized that he doesn't seem to care about your relationship or his life in any way, having a conversation is important. 8 problem-solving beauty finds for summer starting at $11. Let her know how you feel when she is doing nothing to achieve the things you want. (Explained). It's a mysterious package, delivered by subtle sensory clues. There is a 4-year-old girl in rural Arkansas who is learning to ride a camouflage-patterned four-wheeler alongside her cousins. He would start to read up on science or history, but he would quickly lose interest. She's told me that she doesn't want to find a better job (Despite the fact that she complains about her job/pay somewhat often), because it's comfortable there. However, she has no ambition or drive in life. Well if you don't plan on breaking up with her, then do talk to her. A lack of motivation can have many sources, from fatigue to anxiety to feelings of overwhelm. In retrospect, he probably cruised because he was smart, the demands were low and the structure and supervision were high. Why is it time and time again women push men to make money? Its impossible to save. Embrace one new healthy habit that can improve your life. I was careful to emphasize that medications dont work for everyone. Talk to someone else on your path. Ambition addicts harbor detailed fantasies of the wondrous, happy endings toward which we strive. I have a hunger to succeed and it doesnt seem she does. People have the capacity to change. He has always been very shy, laid-back and reserved so he never bothered trying to make contacts or networking. I've been a stay-at-home mom who finds ways to make extra money at home. We both had an aha moment where we realized college was not right for us right now. From a scientific point of view, the universe consists of matter and energy, lacking inherent meaning. Testing in Grade 3 had found him to be in the gifted range of intellectual functioning. It's far from clear that yours is the better approach. I'm 22 and about to graduate college with two majors and a strong GPA. Attention and motivation are integrally linked and mutually dependent, but it is often the case that attention is the more primary and fundamental function, influencing motivation. Friends are a choice not a life sentence and when the going gets as tough as you describe it, theres little reason to continue the torture. She sounds depressed. She's a really nice girl, and most of the time, she's fun to be with. That is important to know, if you want to prevent them. My girlfriend was pretty pissed off, and decided she didn't want to go back and end up putting herself in debt. In a Meaningless Universe, Where Does Meaning Come From? When I asked her why, she said she didn't want to bring work home, and she wanted her free time to be her own. As a self-made guy, it honestly drives me nuts at times. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. She pretty much said "Okay." Okay, so what are you supposed to think if your adult child's behaviors include one of more of the bullet points above? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. You will live to regret it if you marry this man. I had to move back to my home state for better career opportunities and when my girlfriend and I decided to continue our relationship and endure through a long distance , I was very adamant that for her to move to my state she would need to have a goal to work towards, preferably a career goal. I push him to make a move but then we just get into arguments because he says he doesn't know what he wants to do. Live2D technology adds emotive motion. Even if you are wholly insincere and brilliant at feigning false interest they must have sensed your frustration towards them and their low expectations. My girlfriend seems to just not want to work. At the core of a strong brand is a deep, underlying, emotional motivation. You've got your emotional life tangled up with how your girlfriend talks and behaves and feels in a very unhealthy way. Brad Warner is also good. Did you intend for that to sound as derisive as it does? It feels childish, almost like a plea for attention. Performance & security by Cloudflare. I am tired of trying to encourage him, and I am tired of moving forward and succeeding in my career while he continues to get taken advantage of. Scan this QR code to download the app now. She has crohns. Maybe you're a "fixer" but she doen't want to be fixed right now. Reddit, Inc. 2023. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Which driving her to and from the hospital has cost me a couple good jobs. All rights reserved. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months. This is absolutely vital for your success in life, especially as a post-graduate. As with most psychiatric disorders, the line separating a disorder from normality is determined (imprecisely) by the particular trait/s causing significant impairment of functioning in relation to the demands of the individuals environment. ADD/ADHD is just the way some people are, not a thing that they have or an illness they are afflicted with. Sounds different, right? : r/relationship_advice dan_vweller [22/m] my girlfriend (20/f) has no ambition. We aim to keep this a safe space. Pema Chodron is my go-to author for the practical application of Buddhism to daily life. Attention stimulants are better understood as performance enhancers rather than 'treatments'. Yesterday was all about feelings, emotion, and showing the one you love how much you mean to them. It is possible, though, that your old companions are still indulging you because of shared history rather than what little aside from judgment you have to offer them today? It's not poured into you, it's not taught by a wise elder. Why not let life do what life does on its own? I live with my girlfriend. Read an inspiring autobiography. You never see men writing into advice columns asking why their girlfriend is not driven to make money so they can stay home and be a house-husband. Really? My girlfriend and I have been together 2 years, but I'm worried that she doesn't have any real ambition. He seemed perpetually bored, lazy and lacking persistence, focus or self-discipline. The dilemma Im 32, have a fulfilling job, a wonderful partner and child, and travel a lot. Obviously by writing this question you understand that your attachment is the root of your suffering, but you're unwilling to let go of it. The rolling of eyes and raising of eyebrows at the immensity of their cultural ignorance will have been hard to miss. Im 42m my gf is 31f. All rights reserved. I suck at editing and couldn't justify any cutting. Is she being immature? We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Loneliness is painful, although it has it's benefits. If nothing changes, do think about breaking up with her. How will his lack of motivation affect your life? Feb. 21, 2008, 8:42 AM PST / Source: TODAY. Is being mean the way to affect or help someone else, or is it beside the point? I don't know what to do. Salvia favorited, not for the guess that the gf is depressed, (I think that's far from clear here) but for the rest of it. I love him and have decided if it never changes, I am committed to him. He knows I get tired of waiting for him to do something and end up doing it myself, so he just waits me out. Maybe this is part of your journey this year, being able to acknowledge the value of others and the things they care about, even if you can't see it yourself. We live together and have been for the past 5 months and things are great. In your post, you've acknowledged issues with ADHD in yourself, and perhaps depression. The friends you had at 20 can, at 40, be barely recognisable as anyone whos attended a school reunion will know. This greatly boosted his morale and his motivation more generally. Updated regularly with events, campaigns and more. In the environment in which our species evolved for most of its history (think hunter-gatherers), longer or shorter attention spans would both have been advantageous in different situations. He blames me and his parents for his being in that dead-end job to begin with, because he says we pushed him to quickly find a job after graduation. By the way, as you're reading your answers, note which ones are helpful. We're broke, and he wants me to quit my job and travel; he has vague ideas that he's going to start an Internet business and make a decent income, but the one thing he tried didn't work and now he seems to mostly read self-help books.". Some people understandably have reservations about medications for ADD, but Andrews parents, being doctors, were quite interested in considering the medication options, and Andrew was willing to give it a try.
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