4 Beautiful Things That Can Happen When Life Doesn't Go How We Planned, Biblical Truths about Sexual Orientation and Gender, 20 Reasons Marriages Fail (Christian Marriages, Too), This site is a proud member of the Salem Web Network, a subsidiary of, Copyright 2023, Crosswalk.com. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what it is . Be the first to get hottest news from our Editor-in-Chief, Check your email and confirm your subscription. As fun as it is to imagine weird chicken snakes on Noah's ark, all signs point to the inclusion of the cockatrice being a strangeness particular to medieval translations. So, you know. I put together a top 10 list of Bible verses that many Christians ignore or may not even be aware of. In some traditional Jewish teachings, they're considered the ninth highest order of angels, and associated with the task of helping people move beyond their sins in order to be closer to God, and for fans of raiding lost things, they're also what's described as being sculpted onto the lid of the Ark of the Covenant in Exodus. What Happened: Elisha the prophet was traveling, going about his message-from-God business, when a gang of teenagers surrounded him and started harassing him, yelling insults and calling him baldy. Proving that the Lord doesnt take mockery lightly, he answered Elishas prayer for justice with two angry bears who attacked the group and mauled over 40 of the young men. you are just making out a joke about some people's believes its obvious that you didn't get any message and didn't understand any of what is written in the Bible, the humankind in those times were more conscious about live and religion so remember there had to be a way to write it so the people can accept it and without prejudices understand the massage within, just don't modify the story just to make an absurd/wannabe funny view of it Or you'll be closer to being one of the pigs slaughtered than you think, and it won't matter if you misunderstood and mock the parable. Jesus smugly replied that anyone with true faith could kill a tree or tell a mountain to throw itself into sea. Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Sure, there are the animals that everybody remembers: Noah's floating menagerie of just everything, Jonah's whale, the lions in the den. Five of the Strangest Things in the Bible (and how to grapple with them) Well, as long as I don't dress up as a fig tree, look God in the eye, take a dump in the street, or insult a bald man in bear country, I think I'll be fine. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands. Proverbs 27:15-16, As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. Proverbs 31:6, But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? 10 Of The Most Bizarre Bible Verses Ever The Bible is crazy weird sometimes. According to Leviticus 24:16, if one was to be blasphemous, he was supposed to be stoned to death by the community. Suddenly two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. And there are obviously sins that we are shocked and appalled by, and usually see these sins as worse than others. Thankfully, the Bible doesn't go into detail about what Saul did with his gruesome prize, but at least David lived happily ever after. Meaning: In this case, David uses their foreskin to pay for Michal (Saul's daughter). Whatever message you send, let your loved ones know how you feel about them. People from the local town were shocked and they told Jesus to leave their land immediately. Kill them both or have the man pay for the upkeep of the life he just ruined? A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. I say pretty boy because he had lovely locks of hair that he actually weighed when he got a yearly haircut (2 Samuel 14:26). These are built into tribal law, usually by a system of taboos. There are certain sins that Christians are always good at pointing out - usually in others. The Behemoth is one of a handful of creatures in the Bible that historians have been arguing about for quite a while. From there, Elisha went up to Bethel, and as he was walking up the road, a group of boys came out of the city and jeered at him, chanting, "Go up, you baldhead! 9 Things that Are Still Sins Whether We Agree or Not - Michelle Lesley For you, that would be wisdom.". But I think the greatest lie we have boughten into is that life is . Sometimes, blanks needed to be filled in. According to Deuteronomy 22:28-29, "If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. Some are just allusions lending themselves to colorful hyperbole, like when Deuteronomy says that "wine is the poison of dragons" and Micah 1:8's poetic "Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls." He cannot divorce her as long as he lives. Discover some strange Bible verses below that you might not have heard before. However, the fickle god decided to send an angel to block the road. If you'd kept the nastiness out of your comment, I might have changed the words to something else - not because it would make it more accurate, but because it might prevent people such as yourself from becoming confused. The Lord will strike you with the boils of Egypt, tumours, scabs, and itch, from which nobody can heal you. so good job. While people have theorized that it may have been a crocodile or a particularly crabby whale, it's a little difficult to square that with "fire breathing rock monster.". In this bizarre homoerotic scene, God and his human pet, Moses, decide to play a little game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Moses asks God to "reveal his glory" (wink wink), but God warns that . You will likely get the ole trusty, 'That's not what that really meant' 'ers or the 'That's not really how that went down' or the 'He's has taken that completely out of context' 'ers but I don't take you for one that minds so much and I like that about you! Then you will eat the fruit of your womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters whom the Lord your God has given you, in the siege and distress that your enemy will inflict on you. But what if these verses are even more interesting once they're explained? also amusing because the twist you put on each story show either you have no idea what your reading, or you're obviously and deliberately putting the twist on each story just for a laugh. What is the Bible? One sin, however, is more terrible than any otherand that is the sin of deliberately rejecting God and refusing the gift He freely offers us of salvation in Jesus Christ. Different societal situations at different points in time have yielded wildly diverse understandings of what the original text meant, with some words having more than one meaning and others having no direct translation at all. No one wanted to go back inside because they were too worried that the king was using the privacy to the bathroom. Meaning: This verse explains how Christians shunned the old practice of castration. (Leviticus 24:14-16) How's about the book of Deutoronomy? Here are some of the craziest creatures you'll find in the Bible. But all the arable land in Canaan was already taken, and the Hebrews could only perch precariously on the arid hillsides. _________________________________________________________________________________________________ #1 - Psalm 137:9 (But does that make the method of Absalom's death less weird? Kind of like a spy story, but with middle-school-boy gross factor, which is why it gets the number one place on this list. Those prophets or those who divine by dreams shall be put to death for having spoken treason against the Lord your God, who brought you of the land of Egypt and redeemed you from the house of slavery. He "took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel. Both the Bible and civilized society acknowledge this; murder (for example) is seen as more serious than lying. Maybe we all need a remedial course in hamartiology, so let's start with the basics. The Plot to Kill a Guy Who Already Died. According to, What word is used 365 times in the Bible? How giant is giant? Less Weird When You Remember: This one is pretty much just weird from any angle. In Numbers, we meet Balaam, a troubled prophet. What are oddly specific/and or the weirdest sins according to Bible? What about the Bible story of Abraham and Isaac? No doubt about it. Homosexuality. Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. God Exits The Closet. God doesn't stop there though. . Adultery (Note: Only for those who have been married) 3. He "took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel.". Thomas Swan (author) from New Zealand on December 11, 2013: Thanks for the votes and share DzyMsLizzy! The religions of the world have provided us with many ridiculously funny stories, involving dozens of weird gods and goddesses. However, as the last few stories should have made clear, it is not all fun and games. 2. Something youd die to save if it were in danger? 7 Things The Bible Condones That Are Totally Illegal Today Less Weird When You Remember: The law requiring a man to marry his brothers widow was intended to protect childless widows, who were vulnerable to poverty and abuse. 8 Sins Christians are Starting to Ignore Rachel-Claire Cockrell Published: Jun 15, 2023 What is Sin? Only Balaam's donkey saw the angel, so it veered off the road and was beaten for its trouble. For example, fear not or do not be afraid is. Most lists you find of weird Bible verses make no attempt to properly resolve them. No. They're also considered to have been symbolic of the corruption God felt he needed to wipe out with the Great Flood. Meaning: The Lord ordered Moses to take vengeance on the Midianites for the Israelites. Ecclesiastes 5:8: If you see in a province the oppression of the poor and violent perversion of justice and judgment, do not be amazed at the matter; for he that is higher than the highest is watching. This was something that was far more common in ancient Israel than the Bible liked. It is, in summation, hard core rock and roll. The religious rituals they developed were meant to predict the weather (think of Stonehenge and its purpose) and cajole Nature into being kind to them. It also has the dubious honor of acting as Satan's tattoo artist, branding the hands or foreheads of its followers with the "mark of the beast," an enigmatic physical sign indicating fealty to the forces of darkness. He convinced the king he had an important private message, and when the king dismissed the court, Ehud stabbed him, pushing the sword in so deep that his guts fell out and the sword actually disappeared inside his belly, swallowed up by fat. But again, Isaiah comes riding in with some literal monsters to slay. Toll Free: 1-877-247-2426. For example, Stephen, one of the first Christians, was charged with this crime and executed by stoning. Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart. Michelangelo Buonarroti via Wikimedia Commons. God decides it is time to demonstrate his incredible magic skills, so he asks Ezekiel if the bones can be made to live. - Job 13:5. In addition to expressing the Lord's wrath for Jerusalem's sins, Ezekiel used such language to startle his readers and listeners who had become complacent. ", She wasn't looking for anything by that point because she was dead. But none answered. Meaning: This verse seeks to remind us of the world's immorality. However, there was one small caveat: God didn't want them to look back at his shameful annihilation of the Sodomites. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. One of the men shouted the ancient equivalent of, Oh no! Once the sermon ran long, Eutychus fell asleep and fell out of the window, breaking his neck. People in the ancient world were no different. "It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.". Tell us what you really think. Depending on the interpretation, it could drink an entire river, and its strength was significant enough to be worth mentioning four times in a single paragraph. In Genesis 30, Jacob's flock of striped goats is stolen, so he peels the bark off some branches (to make stripes) and puts them in front of his plain flock when they are mating. (Also, the king was really fat. Eventually the donkey was so fed up that it asked Balaam to stop beating it. Less Weird When You Remember: The reason Lazarus was a threat was because his testimony of what God had done in his life changed the people around him. So when David asked to be married to Saul's daughter, the sadistic king demanded a difficult and perilous payment. Not really.). He slaughters 200 Philistines and delivers their foreskins to Saul despite being asked for only 100. There is no real archaeological evidence to prove that child sacrifice waspractised, but it was feared and talked about by ancient people. Man Talks to Donkey; Donkey Talks Back, What Happened: The Israelites were marching into the Promised Land, conquering cities and winning battles, and the Moabite king got nervous. The 10 Worst Old Testament Verses by Dan Barker Let's just get it out of the way right up front. Look more closely. Also called the Beast of the Sea on account of its oceanic point of origin, it sports a flirty summer look featuring ten horns with crowns on top of them, "the name of blasphemy" written across all seven of its heads, the feet of a bear, and the mouth of a lion. 101 of the craziest, strangest, most ridiculous Bible absurdities In my last article I took a critical look at the teachings of Jesus, in this article I'll extend that to the Bible itself. Big. THE WORST SINS in the BIBLE 26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision. Things get even more intense in Revelation, as they tend to do. Thats wasnt even mineI borrowed it. So Elisha just whipped out a stick, set it on the surface of the water, and the axe head miraculously floated to the top. But people in ancient times (not just the Hebrews) seem to have realized that sexual relations between closely related people could result in biologically flawed offspring. Or re-kill him, as the case might be. These verses they make me wanna curl up in a ball and cry they're so bizarre. Cojones of steal, my friend! It has double-thick armor plating running down its back and muscular folds all over its body. But all of these ridiculous and unbelievable Bible stories have a very good reason for being there. I think that sometimes `jest' is needed to make unwanted and contentious opinions that little bit more palatable such that those opinions have more chance of hitting home instead of generating reflexive disagreement. Almost all of the Christian versions match apart from the Hebrew versions, which have the old testament only. What follows are ten of the most ridiculous Bible stories, presented for your amusement. Whoever utters the name of the Lord in a curse shall be put to death. They're generally used as a point of reference for a simile, but that changes in the Book of Isaiah. In Revelation 13:11-16, it's seen convincing human beings to worship the First Beast, pulling stunts like making the sky rain fire. No society ever admitted that they did it. Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?" At this point, the angel shows himself to Balaam and says that if the donkey hadn't been pulling evasive maneuvers, the angel would've killed Balaam by now. You are already subscribed to our newsletter! Given the detail provided in this story, Elisha presumably counted the forty-two carcasses before going on his merry way. By way of example, take the Ophanim first described in Ezekiel 1:15. Ouch. For the Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you." "No one whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off shall be admitted to the assembly of the LORD.". For some reason, the demons possessing the men pleaded to be allowed to enter the pigs. Modern science tells us that children of too-closely related people have, among other things, defective immune systems. Check your inbox to be the first to know the hottest news. Revelation's Second Beast is a mysterious son of a gun. Leviathan. Lot and his two daughters retreated to a cave in the mountains without a thought for their dessicated mother. What the Bible ten does to limit what a person could do to retaliate. What Happened: Basically, Samson took out his rage on some Philistines when they gave away his wife to another man (this is after he killed 30 people to cap off his wedding celebration, so he kind of had it coming). Meaning: 2 Kings 6 talks about the devastation of the people of God due to disobedience. At the time, blasphemy was punishable by death. This disgusting act was not punished by God or the Israelites. However, the Holy scripture is renowned for covering almost any subject matter thus is no surprise that such verses exist. So what could the Behemoth have been? There are plenty of weird verses in the Bible -in the Old Testament and the New Testament. H. Pisan/Wikipedia. Why does the Bible speak out so strongly against homosexuality? Shrek wasn't the only fictional character with a talking donkey. Jesus said this is the only sin that God . Why? What Happened: Tamar, a young widow, was in a tricky place. His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude.". Topics: Salvation, Sin. Less Weird When You Remember: The little detail about Absalom's long locks was mentioned four chapters before the story of his death. Yes, it was totally misused in this case but even with that, Tamar is mentioned in the line of Jesus, one of three foreign women of questionable past included there to point to Gods grace. I presented what I think is the most funny example of it when God is walking around the camp of the Israelites, but doesn't want to step in the poo they leave about lol. It wasn't even written at the time when Jesus lived, (and by the way--whom are we speaking of? This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Shouldve gotten a trim before the battle, clearly. Meaning: The verse emphasizes the repercussions of calling out God's name in vain. And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: both of them shall be cut off from among their people. The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? A story about a guy making a couple of bears kill 42 children because they called him bald? SIN LIST 1. They reportedly appeared when a rooster (remember, that's a boy chicken) laid an egg that was left to be cared for by a toad or a snake a la Horton Hatches An Egg. Thomas Swan (author) from New Zealand on October 02, 2013: Thanks MysticMoonlight. Bible Bad Women has the story of Lots Daughters, who had sexual intercourse with their father. You are destroyed, Israel. Most modern literal interpretations point to either a hippo or an elephant, but there's also some debate as to whether it was just a metaphor for the power of God. Jeremiah 28:16: Thus says the Lord: I am going to send you off the face of the earth. Around that time, an angel came to him, and lo, it was heavy on showmanship. Thats important later.) The Bible covers topics relating to sin, repentance, forgiveness, salvation, and others that provide biblical guidance for helping Christians to resist the temptation of sin.