my girlfriend is overthinkingmy girlfriend is overthinking

Then i asked him about something. Just let me feel bad. And he just kept on shouting, Youre not being nice to me! She makes me happy like no one else but then I start thinking I want to find the love of my life and I realize I am thinking of a stranger and not of her And then when I am feeling like shit I can only think about how I want her to be with me. In this section, we will explore the role of overthinking in relationships and why it is important to understand how it affects our lives. I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember, including during my first marriage and was the reason I left. I trust she takes time to invest in her own journey and perhaps given added motivation. I cant tell if meeting her would cause me more pain or if its necessary. The first step in overcoming overthinking is noticing and recognizing it when it happens. I am a fully qualified graphic designer trying to build a career around my health from home eating healthy in-spite of all my disabillities and mental health having weekly attacks. @Beth- no, I dont know you but I am going through this with someone in my life and it sounds like you are too. My husband and I have been in some pretty terrible arguments. You need to give your girlfriend enough space while also not pushing her away. Like for instance if my wife talks or smiles or just looks at another man I feel she is disrespecting me and our marriage. I am taking the best care of her in every way. I am sure I am the rational , sane one here, and i am being as authentic and rational as possible. I have suffered anxiety all my life. How to Stop Anxiety from Destroying Relationships. I too have my own issues. Esther: You covered the coercive strategies, you covered the shifting of the blame, you covered the questioning of your reality, you covered the manipulation, the disqualifying. As months passed and I went to therapy she begin to understand, she went to a couple of sessions with me but she stopped because she felt guilty I guessed. You might as well say that all dyslexics are drunks who beat up their partners just because you knew one who was. Is she strong enough to support me. It feels very controlling. Im just like letting you know that. And he was in a great mood when I came in, and then, suddenly, he turned, and then he started shouting at me and shouting at me, and I was like, Stop shouting at me., Then he freaked out about me not understanding what a boundary was, me turning my boundaries against him. I cant always handle them, because they simply take over. she did the things to make me feel like I do ! We had sex very early, almost too early, and one time she told me to ask her how many guys she had slept with. You Feel On Edge Around Your Partner. She is my first girlfriend and she has had 3 boyfriends in the past. stomach upset and other physical concerns. I think you should follow your heart. When I am good, we are great when I am in the middle of my anxiety and depression, I feel hopeless about us. I find putting up with people regardless of mental health is a daily chore, people who are non mental health cannot understand so no you dont need to turn to them all the time guarantee they have their own issues we all have them. She always thought the worst of me, never fully trusted me and she never believed me. Caller: Yeah. Anxiety makes us feel either fearful or limited. Before this conversation he stated he doesnt feel I love him because I never notice when hes struggling with his issues. Sure, but it's comforting to find meaning in normal, every day things like a hello or a Facebook update. Its like walking on eggshells. 9. And I was like, Yeah, I know. The intrusive thoughts have put me in such a depressed state, I currently am so emotionally exhausted, I feel like I cant feel the love for my partner that I know is there, and its causing me to pull back. In the meantime, dont lose yourself and go do what Luke likes to do. I am really sorry this bs anxiety made do things that wasnt you. fatigue or emotional exhaustion. I have been trying to get her to talk to meBut she has been avoiding all contact. She ended the relationship abruptly since almost 2 months. Some adaptive some maladaptive. and I have had nothing show up on my full body reports, endocrinologists, gyneacs, to explain why I tend to get mysterious illnesses related to stress. You just feel your the only one who is going through this bluff ANXIETY. Samantha, thank you so much for sharing your experience. Those two things dont necessarily always go in sync. We shared everything together and were very close. I decided to return to grad school because I wanted more opportunities and to make a better living. I would demand that he help me with my problems but when he suddenly began to protest I legitimately didnt understand why he was being so unkind. I myself suffer from depression, undiagnosed bi-polar, severe complex anxiety stemming from childhood and recently got diagnosed as emotionally unstable personality dissorder by the psychiatrist. But 2019 in January was when I decided enough is enough and I went on POF and found the most incredible, kind and lovely man who if I do not do anything about this I will lose him, because of my own stupid and ridiculous thoughts that I try everyday to control, but wow its so horrible when your own head will not ever let you be happy. Does anyone have any experience of a similar situation? By submitting your email, you agree to our. so to be short, after their last meeting he told me that she is getting cold again and he is worried , but he also told me about a tremendous pressure at her work and possibly an old story or gossip turning into checking her reputation, he tried carefully-but not carefully enough as it seems to sense the pulse and faced stupid excuses like phone wont take messages , or work pressure, and he who knew that he will see her in less than 3 weeks decided to just swallow it,stay calm and not react in a rude way, meet her and ask her to consider marrying him and make a family together. Getting home just a few hrs ago and now her on the way back. One occasion was that we were coming home I saw this lady walking her dogs and out of nowhere I got anxious, my wife noticed and asked me why I was opening the gate all fast, I made an excuse that I needed to use the restroom, the other occasion ironically was with the same neighbor again she was walking her dog, we were leaving our home I saw the neighbor and started getting nervous, she noticed again and asked me whats going on? This tips are super helpful thank you for sharing! The arguments are very dramatic and intense and he never lets things go no matter how much I ask him to give me a break. Why cant I feel anything towards him currently? Thank you for reading this. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. I hope that you are willing to seek out adequate therapy for support during this time. Its not about staying by someones side, the anxious person often breaks the relationship and ends it, so even tho as a partner you can see that they need help, if they dont see that for themselves you cant stay with someone who is ending something every week or so. My husband didnt understand why I am worried, overemotional, and scared, so I explained it to him. 1. Why do people overthink in relationships? I was diagnosed with severe complex anxiety and my relationship problems and anxiety and anger stems from the confusion of long term mental and emotional abuse. If you constantly feel on edge around your partner, take note. Anxiety causes fear or worry that can make you less aware of your true needs in a given moment. The relationship makes you feel bad about yourself. My relationship is the healthiest I have ever been because I dont put the burden of my anxiety on it. Oh I so totally know how you feel-I too am plagued with feelings of worthlessness ,heigtened emotions ,am I all my partner needs?,do I love to much and expect the same back when infact he loves me to the moon and back, my past is something Ive always kept locked away and only told him snippets as I find it too emotional and a good indication is that when I talk and open up I still cry so obviously I am not over things that happened from 35+years ago as Im now 45 years old. In our heart its not what we want. In fact, Ill be liberated. However, this process can lead to anxiety and stress. The attitudes and perspectives that we have are contagious. the anxiety made her selfish, self center and always thinking of herself alone. My heart didnt make a wrong decision to live with you for all the days of my life. Overthinking every conversation, phone call, or text. For financial reasons n kids. But then he turns around and does that to me. Ask Yourself Why Youre Overthinking So Much This sounds obvious, but have you stopped and asked yourself why you are overthinking so much about this girl? the partner without anxiety also needs to take care of their own health and wellbeing. Manage Settings Its been three years since you posted your message where are you now? Everyday is a battle. Here are some signs that your relationship is making you depressed: You feel tired, bored and unfulfilled when you are together. Copyright 2022 GoodTherapy.org. Perhaps it was me that needed to snap out of this poor, poor me wallow that I was immersed in. Ive spoken to my sister a bit. We had been talking about boundaries, because I do have concerns that my boundaries arent very good and its something that I work on. I suffer from depression and after reading this article i now see that my wife is going through the same. I am so nervous with my marriage of been together for 20 years.. Hey, i have the same problem of Luke. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. I get, Youre a lovely person.. I went back up to the hotel room where my wife has now returned I didnt say a word but got ready for bed and layed down at the very edge. Strategy 9: Find Outside Support. Esther: Now youre going to give me the other side, But we also have nice times. A caring and experienced therapist will help you get out of a cycle of fear and doubt that may prevent you from experiencing happiness now and/or designing a life that brings more happiness to you. Dont be afraid to talk to your partner. After we broke up we started hanging out and interacting much more than when we were a couple and both of us are so much happier and none can explain why, because she wants to be with me again and while I dont tell her in fear it will give her fake hopes, I cant think about anyone but her and just want to hug her and never let go of her I am just so scared of what the bad moments may bring and of my own insecurities that I dont know if I can get back to her, which she is waiting me to do and which a moment I want to do, the other I dont. It makes me question myself so much more. Thats just the anxiety/depression talking. And I would be worried about, not challenging, I think, for him, something like that would be . The question I fight over all the time is do I fancy him? A. He has a drinking problem as well; in fact, he got so drunk recently that he blacked out while driving and somehow still made it home after driving through someones yard! Who did you see do this in your family and nobody stopped them?, Caller: I feel that would be really hard for him. I cant cope when hes tied up anywhere or if I dont hear from him, I think all sorts, that hes dead, fallen in the sea, doesnt want me anymore etc etc it all sounds extreme but I get so bad I cant eat sleep Im being sick I get a bad stomach, Im also like this with my children I have severe separation anxiety, sorry to go on, any help would be appreciated! She wrote me a lovely card, I cannot believe she doesnt have feelings anymore. This can lead to some pretty bad situations that can be avoided with a little bit of self-awareness. I seperated myself from our dinner and went outside to be alone until a security guard came up to tell me the patio at the hotel was now closed and that i needed to leave. are you aware of your fears and anxiety but you wont do anything about it? NO thanks. Im still work in process so Ill keep you posted ;). I suppose I was always the friend (one of many) on standby who picked up the pieces, shared physical relationships with etc etc I have never been great in relationships either and realize I have issues with anxiety, insecurity and jealousy Anyways, we got together and everything went so fast next thing we were engaged I was the love of his life, he was a changed man but I couldnt quite trust I have said the most hurtful things to him for what he has done in every past relationship We broke up and he was extremely angry at me, I decided it was time to really focus on my own ongoing patterns I have had all my life He continued to text every day Im seeing a therapist and have been sharing with some friends I see what I have brought to the relationship and how I was unhealthy We have started to speak again Can we be different? And I will be able to, once again, liberate myself with my friends, and then my friends are going to start telling me how they had noticed it, that and the other, and Im going to say, How come you never told me? And theyll tell me, We kept trying to tell you but you couldnt hear it because you were completely enveloped in this saga.. Youre going to surround yourself with friends, and youre going to have to be honest with your friends and let them know whats going on, not by blaming him, but by telling them that you found yourself in a relationship where instead of increasingly becoming bolder and stronger and more recognized, its all the reverse that is happening. You can work on adjusting your behavior according to it. 12. Dont be afraid. One week before the split we celebrated three years together. why would we?as you describe it you seem to be aware of your condition very well,so get help from Psychiatric,i hope you are not one of those who uses her bad experience to justify for herself giving **** to others. I dont like making him feel this way, thats why I need help to pull myself together so I can make my home-life healthy for us. I remember she couldnt fall asleep when I was there. Now she didnt contact me since a month and I am lleaving her alone to let her anxiety levels go downwondering if it would be possible to recover the situation as I love her. And it seems to often be, as well with social settings, that well be going out and hell do something to pull the rug out from underneath me and be like, Whats your problem?. I am at peace in moving forward and revisiting in 3 to 6 months as advised by our therapist. WebOver texting or over communicating in general. Wishing you the best. Jealousy is very dangerous since it can create many false arguments, which ultimately leads to relationships destruction. If you notice a fear or concern that causes your thoughts to stray from the facts or the present moment, pause and think about what you know (as opposed to what you dont know). It is not constant but it does creep up. The positive thing is that if you are with someone who truly loves you they will love you and stay by your side for better or worse, anxiety or not. During our second session we talked about my childhood. Also, she left me alone on the weekends and went to her parents for some weeks. This way you can start to take responsibility to change it and not lay blame elsewhere (a common problem when facing the harsh reality of anxiety) Its subconciously the easier option, and its also consciously painful to take responsibily. As I said before the worst feeling is thinking you are going through this alone. But when anxiety hits like RIGHT NOW I am in panic inside and want to break up and smoke some weed to kill the pain :( Me and my partner we are going through similar situation I just broke up with her. I acted selfishly by leaving, and he cut off any contact with me a week after I left, despite saying I had his love before I left. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Hi, Seeing her in pain was hard, nobody likes to see somebody hurt. I feel bad. Caller: Yeah, its bizarre. Work on Your Interpersonal Skills. Or maybe there is a recent change in the way you are behaving that has caused her to question the state of your relationship. I enjoy my job but I see other opportunities paying more and I just want to make enough so that I can afford my upcoming mortgage or save for the future. Btw were engaged and we have been talking lately about what weve both been going through. Lately, you have been focusing on her past, but you are her present. My intention is to offer empathy and plant some seeds toward solutions for those who have been impacted by their own excessive anxiety or that of their partners. There are many reasons why your girlfriend might be overthinking. It can be hard to find the right balance of care, trust, and boundaries. They are the worst ones and I will change. I am sorry to hear that you have been in an emotionally manipulative, but it is NOT true that all people with GAD are going to be that way in a relationship. My girlfriend recently and abruptly ended our relationship as her anxiety was escalating to a point that she was looking and feeling very unwell. He reminds me during these arguments that Im ruining the relationship. This is usually done in an attempt to find the perfect, best solution for a problem. she shows no concern about anything about me, she pushes me away and do all sort of unreasonable. To the question that you came with, you know the answer before you came. Your conversations She got completely angry on the phone, telling me that she wouldnt love me anymore and hate me the whole day. Esther: And you are telling me this also because in some way something parallel is happening between you and your boyfriend?Caller: Yeah, exactly. Esther: And if you had a friend, since you have very good friends, if one of your friends was in a situation that is similar to yours, what would you say? Seeking help and letting yourself use help takes the most strength and gives the most rewards. My finding some encouragement reading them. I know that it can be overwhelming. Could your anxiety (or your partners) be putting your relationship at risk? Sometimes she breaks down because I will never be with her, others she is really happy because of how much I still listen and care even though I broke up. Become hostile and agressive. Where does your challenge come from in terms of saying no, in terms of saying, This is what I know I need to do, and Ill deal with the consequences. Continue with Recommended Cookies. I left two days after her return because she forced me to leave and was very bad to me. During this time, I had been trying to get through my last semester of grad courses, but have been struggling because the course material is very heavy. I just would like to know what to do. If they cant or wont change, you can make suggestions for how they can get support with changing. This is such a tough point to be at- seeing that it is the anxiety causing pain and distance and wanting to be able to connect but often feeling powerless against it. I went through severe harassment from my landlord the housing crisis potential homelessness for 3.5 years, 4 years of benefit sanctions which I still suffer from PTSD. When I came out of the hospital, she kicked me out on the street with a bag of clothes and 20.-. On Christmas Eve, I found out that he started seeing someone else. It is a natural tendency that we all have to ruminate about something until we come up with an answer. Read also: 23 Thought-provoking quotes to stop caring too much. Sorry about my harsh comment before, I meant that if someone does not seek professional help, it would lead to a disaster, and the BF or Gf should stay away. Oh my god. I told her I wanted a divorce and left for the long drive home which seemed like minutes. We all feel anxiety, it is a natural human response. The girl has serious anxiety problems, and she acted like a ticking bomb, broke up with him twice in the past and somehow they found each other again, and with time she started trusting him more and learned to love him And the ways in which we do this are usually picked up during childhood. We both are stressed and fear eats away at us. This is NO time to mess around, you can always come off meds at a later date. After a phase of extreme borderlining with scratching me and being very aggressive and psychological treatment, it seemed to get better. Anxiety can cause periods of panic, feelings of fear or overwhelm, and a general sense of unease and tension. I have PTSD. quizzing her about her past and making her feel bad. But he also needs to control you, but hes also intensely insecure and therefore he needs you to be one down, but he also has a hard time hearing you say Im hungry without instantly denying it or defying you or qualifying it or deciding if you have a right to be hungry at this moment or not because he knows better than you what your stomach needs. I just felt i lost my independence to spend and was not contributing. After leaving them, we cant be together and you have to leave me for 6 months. I was able to stabilise the situation and keep our finances in the black, etc. Esther: Okay. Esther Perel is a psychotherapist, a best-selling author, and the host of the podcast Where Should We Begin? But it is the question that you didnt answer, which is, where does your challenge come from? I replied nothing and tried to change the conversation, I could tell she was real upset and dont blame her since she was pregnant, hormones and all. Esther: And then, what would you say to your friend who says, Its not that easy. It is probably through nothing that you have done but the anxiety has taken over. Thanks very much .its been very difficult .trying to reach out to my wife . I seen some comments on here that say love isnt the only thing someone with this condition needs or love doesnt matter, but honestly love is one of the most important things because if your loved one didnt love you then they wouldnt put in the effort to try and help you. He has a big personality, is very quick-thinking and articulate, while I often find it hard to communicate. Judy my personal opinion is that you should stand up to your husband and tell him if we are getting divorced it is no longer appropiate for us to have sex he is playing on your anxieties insecurities and fears to get whatever it is he wants hun have a look into control and emotional abuse there is so much and call your local mental health team to see if you can get clarity. Caller: Yeah. We are in the middle of our divorce, and while I feel a tremendous sense of relief, my heart still breaks because I love him so much and I dont think he even fully grasps how destructive his undertreated anxiety has been for him. 1 It eases my mind knowing Im not a nutcase, 2 knowing and admitting I possibly have a disorder. Caller: I definitely looked it up at some point, but I dont quite remember it at this moment. Im glad that you brought this up. The trouble is that I never wanted that from anyone else; I cant even think of flirting with anyone else, let alone be touched by another man. playing mini-movies over and over in your mind. They do what the society accepts, feeling insecure about your girlfriend cheating on you and to counter that, putting restrictions on her. You dont need to either ignore or obsess over an uncomfortable thought. The truth is, your gut is a useful tool because it's an excellent early warning detector that things might be off in your relationship. This analogy can be used as a way of understanding how relationships work and how they should go about working together. It is remarkable what the right support can help you withstand, understand and overcome. Ive been dealing with anxiety for years but have learned to control it. If I bring up my feelings of neglect and loneliness he just gets angry and says nothing will make me happy. I was overcome by the shadow of my previous romance and let it creep into my life mentally, not physically. Hi, I have read some peoples stories on here and I smile with such relief. However, what makes this more difficult is that he has hoarding disorder, whuch of course is etting my anxiety off. We all have to put on our own oxygen masks before we can support others. And the interesting thing, as I listen to you, is, you have the answer to your question every time you give me another example to reinforce that you actually know whats happening.