things became very hard for me and him because of the son and NOSEY neighbors that had nothing better to do than to report about us dating. If you are not satisfied with it, exactly as it is, then you should keep looking. My guy friend and I work at the same place and we had started to actually talk outside of work a few weeks ago. what does that mean?! Block you in a room so you can't leave and thereby avoid what they're saying. ! but in reality I know they are. This results in hundreds of dollars in relationship counseling with 3 different therapists, all of whom this charmer has even convinced that he has never cheated. I wasted 10 months because I was stuck on the idea ofwhat it could be which is a big mistake. Good luck to everyone and I hope everyone else has the strength to end negative relationships like this. so i deleted u off everything. I guess the simple answer as to why he wont call you his girlfriend is because he doesnt have to. Ther is morre fish in the see and I bet theres plenty of guys that will give anything to be with you . How do you stop acting like the girlfriend? Dont let yourself become powerless. While he was away, he saw his ex (they had been seperated about 6 months) and got closure that she had moved on. 2. Hes either uninterested or unavailable, and its time to move on. What a fantastic answer Eric. by the way i am a male 21 years of age she is 20, when we broke up.. i was soooo happy then it hit me hard! Main thing is to ask yourself he thinks have a GF means get married and settle down soon. The different thing with him is that every time I bring up us dating he says were taking it slow and that hes not sure of himself. Its in your best interest to do everything you can to orient yourself toward the best side of people, men and women. I know his parents and friends well. Nobody likes being disappointed like that Btw, he had also told ne that we were starting fresh and that he did not know he wanted a serious relationship until he met me. Were trying the friend thing, but I find myself really upset when a day goes by and we dont speak. I been tryna get out the friendzone for sooooo long, we were so close at one point til he withdrew and went off the radar. . That could be what hes worried about. We exchanged our feelings and talked about what he would do to get me back If he cant give you that (be honest), then move on. Im thinking hes ignoring me now and is with someone else. NO EXCUSES Love having men in my life as friends but dating is a different ball of wax. im like wat? The book Hes just not that into you is a book written for jerks written by jerks. Ive tried bringing it up and when I do he almost makes me feel guilty about it and says things like what we have is so special, why do we have to label it? I know he had a painful breakup with his girlfriend before me which I think might be a part of this, so Im trying to be understanding but I dont think one thing should have anything to do with the other. Im not going to take fitness advice from someone who is terrible shape. zOMG, yes! And thats not new age crap its actually really simple: The only people who want ANYTHING to do with negative people are other negative people (who probably couldnt give a crap whether youre negative or positive, they just want to use you somehow.) We all create our own realities. Is that not good advice? Well done for not answering his calls. I understand that it can be frustrating, but Im never a fan of comments that sound anti-men (just as I wouldnt be a fan of comments that sound anti-women). I met a lovely separated guy who separated one year or so ago- online (47 4 kids) was married 21 years!!! The area hasn't experienced the same urban development as much of . When you could be of assistance to him (eg a companion/wingman) he is interested in you. It became hard for me I wondered what I had done wrong, I cried at night most times. arnt we friends and nothing more???? So, Despite us enjoying the company, it felt as though we depended on each other, so I have stopped seeing him every other day, and just give the occasional text message. So eventually, I stopped talking and for two months he dated a girl for a month whom he now refers to as his ex-girl friend. I am now with him and he still does not want to label us because he says nothing will chance by giving it a label. Wish me luck, I most definitely need it. But the guy doesnt need to make the effort to keep in touch with old flings. But I keep hearing what he said about his past relationships in my head. We had a messy breakup, and talked on and off for like two years before getting back together. I am reading Lord of the Rings for him (I love the movies, but havent read the books). What if we are parrotting information weve read that Eric has written. Is this a perfect relationship? Its certainly a sticky situation to handle when it comes up, but it sounds to me like youve reached a point of personal clarity always a good sign. Its good to talk about these things so u know what lines not to cross. But what I do know is that you should never settle for a relationship where you dont feel comfortable. :). If a store was giving you free stuff, would you say no please, let me pay you for it? He says that he is not ready for anything too serious, so I respect that and keep it moving. Hes going to avoid the committment. Holding hands on the first date and sending cute text messages, really? By that weekend we were talking non stop, had exchanged phone numbers and were texting all the time. The thing about this friendship is that we act like a couple, and we do things like a couple, he introduced me to his friends.. Glad you found it helpful it is true that I dont sugarcoat my messages, but in the end knowing the truth and knowing how you can win in the dating world will get you where you ultimately want to be. Now he came back to me (as usual) and says Oh we arent dating! We text every single day. Or I can wait and see if he develops feelings. Maybe once every 3-4 weeks we would make a day to spend some time together. He was in the Army so I feel that had a lot to do with it but now hes out. You keep saying he is already hurting you. If you really like him then you should continue seeing him, but keep in mind that if he hasnt committed to a monogamous relationship and called you his girlfriend he is probably keeping his options open and wants to see other people if he isnt seeing other people already. Mastering Spiritual Partnership Through Surrender (working title!). This allowed me to open up to him but recently, after intimacy, my advance, hes not answering or returning my call right away, but still calling darn near daily and texting Hi but hes not texting back right away like before either. thanks. I was just in a similar situation and just finally realized I couldnt do it anymore and shouldnt have to hope that he changes his mind and wants me to be his girlfriend. Move on, dont let him further degrade you by allowing him to use your body. "Hey, this is my GIRLFRIEND! this blog is the best advice i have ever read in my life! However I have been dating this man for something like 8 months.. WE LIVE TOGETHER NOW. So.. the other night somehow it came up in conversation (I had said something to the effect of whats it like to have a girlfriend that gives you a BJ then goes downstairs and makes breakfast?) and he said youre not my girlfriend. Seriously?! Be independent, spend time with friends, dont spend every night with him (because honestly, he hasnt earned all of your evenings), and have fun. i dono what i am doing. Ever since, we have spent a lot of time together but he is still in contact with the other girl, they had a long weekend booked which they just came back from, where they shared a room. Anyway. I been dating my guy for almost a year and still no comiment. 2022 Girls United Summit. its too bad logic doesnt work well when it comes to things like this. later i donno y but we r pretty much friends with benefits. I am noticing a recurring theme with these posts. Thats complete BS. who knows where it will go BUT women when you stay in the unknown place of not knowing everything, surrendering you begin to FEEL your deepest depths, learn and grow and mature from this Feeling place..letting go of trying to control a manso good for the soulmy biggest quest in this now is asking myself Aka what are you waiting for??? I guess I dont know how to end things. For starters, I have seen a lot of women get caught up on this issue and as a result, they bring it up more and more, smothering every ounce of joy from the relationship. Ive been dating this guy for over a year now, and he wont make it official, he keeps saying hes not ready,but the funny thing is, he keeps bringing me to his mums house, takes me out whenever hes got free time, I even lived with his family for 6months. And one time i brought up the relationship thing and he said hes not rdy but he does not want to lose me he just wants me and he is happy. Okayso when do you decide to actually make that leap into something official? Forget about stressing out about him. You can call if you want to; he can call if he wants to. This sound familiar to anyone yet? by Andrea Lane May 27, 2023 iStock/skynesher Don't believe the haters when they say you can never turn a booty call into a relationship. Ok So ive been talking to this guy for the past two months that i have been seeing alot .We have been talking everyday since we met and we hang out about 2-3 times a week. Weve been so close that I am sure if I left him it would be so hard for him to get over me. I said that I couldnt do that- I dont think it would be good for me. Im just so darn vulnerable and lonely right now because I dont know anyone in this town and Im in so much pain from this car accident. He says he just likes to make sure he knows the girl really well first and can trust her. my daughters think its great that im dating him. I then found out he was talking to another girl and she showed me messages of him saying I really like you, I miss you, wish you were still here to this other girl. You are right about not getting caught up in anger and hating which I fully confess I am guilty of 100 percent. Yes, I realize I chose to go there with him and did so early on in one case but did so based on what he said. See each other regularly although I do keep my distance & not be available at every time he asks. I love hearing that thanks! Space to some guys is important as their identity maybe become smothered by our (girlfriends) anxieties, insecurities, and sometimes too much emotion. think and feel laterally this is where self empowerment and deeper spiritual insights lie in terms of spiritual partnerships etc It will destroy your self-respect, self-esteem, and trust in all men. . At the end of the weekend, he was still unsure and so I said it was best if we went our seperate ways. But that fact is he refuses to call me his girlfriend. Any advice men? and in previous month he again lost his job.. and started fulfilling my promises. you cant force a guy you cant force his hand. I keep thinking, Im worth more. women want to go deep and we open the womb the womb is a place of depth, expansion, feelings when we allow a man to penetrate us he goes deep into this womb space and opens it deeply..no denialso thats happened with me with this man.. I read the first 3 paragraphs and they were enough to know that you know exactly what youre talking about. Whenever I bring up these topics, it goes unto a huge fight It's been 9 months. Also have you considered that you might just be a bad boyfriend? Once you start having sex, your body releases bonding hormones (oxytocin is one, I believe there is at least one other) that has you feeling bonded and attached to the guy youre sleeping with. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc. "I started hooking up with a guy in college, and our relationship quickly developed into something that was more than just casual. He says he is keeping his options open. I dated a manipulator, he didnt even realize what he was doing was manipulative. I told him you should do you cuz I dont play games and dont want to be bothered. Im questioning if I should pull back a little, making myself less available in order to give him the opportunity to prove his devotion and loyalty to me. He did invite me to meet his mother when she came to town he has one brother that he speaks to seldomly and lives out of state.